


Beer, Popcorn, Transvestites

by charmquark



Category: Naruto.
Genre: Crack, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2307140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmquark/pseuds/charmquark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>In another dimension / With voyeuristic intention. / Well secluded I see all...</i> Team 7 sees it too. Some are amused, some are not. ( Team 7 )</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beer, Popcorn, Transvestites

**Author's Note:**

> (Written 01/2011)
> 
> Look. This came from a really, really ridiculous conversation on plurk. It is not to be taken seriously. I stuck Tim Curry in the ninjaverse and I apologize for _nothing._

The movie’s credits rolled for a long minute of heavy silence.

“… what the _fuck_ was that.”

The pressure valve in Sakura’s living room let out explosively as Naruto erupted into peals of laughter, and even she giggled liberally.

“You should see your _face_ ,” Naruto exclaimed between choking fits.

As it turned out, Sasuke’s face was uncharacteristically expressive, a picture of disgust. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve seen in my life.”

“Your _whole life_? Woah.” Naruto was clearly mocking him as he reached for his open beer bottle.

“Aside from you,” he sneered. Naruto raised his hand to flip him off, and Sakura pinched his bicep. Whether this was in response to the rude gesture or the fact that he had jostled her head on his shoulder as he did it, no one could say.

“The plot made no sense,” Sasuke continued. “There was no point to it other than to be… perverse.”

“I think it’s supposed to be satire,” interjected Sakura reasonably as she finished the last dregs of her drink and sat up to place her empty bottle among the growing number littering her coffee table.

“Ah, don’t pay attention to him, Sakura-chan, he’s just got a pole up his ass.” Naruto took a long gulp. “It wasn’t that bad, anyway, you couldn’t really see any of the sex.”

“You would say that. You have no morals.”

“Yeah, well you’re a stuffy dick-head.”

“Moron.”

“Bastard.”

“ _Boys_ ,” Sakura cut in, an attempt to curb the argument they were having across her, she being between them on the couch, before it got out of hand.

Naruto, however, had other ideas. “Y’know who that trans-whatsit reminds me of?” Here he paused, placing his drink down on the floor with a clunk, as if for dramatic effect, and then grinned at them like a madman. “Orochimaru.”

If looks could kill — and Sasuke’s _could_ , but he didn’t have his Sharingan activated — not even the Kyuubi could save Naruto from the one he was receiving. Sakura was shocked into silence before she had to conceal her snickering into her hand, and Sasuke was glaring at her too.

“ _Think about it!_  They’re both weird-looking and creepy and are into spooky science crap!”

Sasuke growled; Sakura was shaking so hard with held-in humor that it was difficult to speak, but she could guess exactly where this was going. “N-Naruto, you shouldn’t —”

“Guess that makes you the guy in the gold underwear, doesn’t it, Sasuke — ?”

Before he’d even finished the sentence, he was leaping over the coffee table, which was wise, because Sasuke threw a punch over Sakura’s head so quickly that it only narrowly missed him. Sakura yelped in surprise as his momentum threw his weight over her, but she recovered fast, managing to catch the back of his pants and haul him back onto the sofa as he jumped up to pursue the cackling troublemaker out of the room.

“I’m going to _kill —_!”

“NARUTO, GO MAKE MORE POPCORN!” Sakura shouted above Sasuke’s threats of murder. She then told the bristling boy beside her, “We’ll pick out another movie,” and her unforgiving tone made it as much an order as the one to Naruto. In the time it would take to pop enough for the three of them and with Sasuke applied to another task, things would calm down. She hoped.

And things were calm for all of four minutes, before Naruto’s voice sang out from the kitchen. “Sakura wants Sasuke to _touch-a touch-a touch-a tooouuuch her_ ~!”

Sasuke had to throw an arm around her waist to hold her down and prevent her from marching into the other room to beat him into a sorry orange pulp.


End file.
